Friday, December 12, 2008

Monty Python would be Welcome

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie by these Monty Pythonie people. They took a subject that everyone takes so seriously and made it enjoyable. It seemed to be one big game and I enjoy games. I wish to meet them so that I can tell them the story of My Green Knight. I bet they would enjoy it. Maybe it can be their next movie. Perhaps they can come visit Bertilak's Castle. I am sure they would enjoy his beautiful wife. The Monty Pythonies could even start a new game with me. Arthur and Guinvere have sat in peace and quiet too long. This time maybe I'll turn Bertilak into a giant rabbit with sharp fangs. That might finally scare Guinvere enough. This would be delightful. If I had been part of the movie I would have really turned that one man who was Lancelot, as well as many other characters, into a real newt and blamed the young lady, but only temporarily. He would have "got better." That might have added some authenticity. I might be a sorceress, but I do not dress like the way they dressed that young woman. I also do not have a mole or wart. If I did I would vanish it. I am quite powerful I could do that, any good witch could. I also think that I way more than a duck. I am not above laughing at the perceptions people have of anyone more powerful than them such as sorceresses. I definitely should like to meet them, maybe I'll send them an invite to the castle, Bertilak wouldn't mind.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Farewell All

To All,
The Grail Movie was a bit ridicilous and obscene. I thought that the way that inferiors treated King Arthur was quite disrespectful and rude. The mockery of the Grail quest goes againts Arhur and his kingdom. It seemed that only the few knights in the movie were behind his quest, and the film maker was making a joke of it. Everyone should revere Arthur as the highest authority in the land, and do as he wishes. If not, they are considered enemies and anti-God brutes who should be killed anyways. So to all who read this, stay loyal to the King, because it is the most important thing you can do in your life. Farewell.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

How Dare Thee!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail you are pathetic! To make a mockery of the greatest and loyalest knight of them all, Sir Bors. I would massacre that little bunny rabbit with my long shaft of death. To have such a small insignificant creature jump up and rip thy head off is an insult, a joke, an abomination. I would shred that little rabbit and make rabbit soup or rabbit pie or even rabbit "Benedict Arthur". Oh the great Sir Bors shall have vengeance on this Monty Python. I shall make Monty Python pay for this great mistake that he has made. The one mention of myself and my head gets severed by a rabbit. Unbelievable! Vengeance will be mine!

Monday, December 8, 2008

The Brave Sir Robin

Today I Sir Bertilak had the honor of viewing Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a most epic comedy. I thought it had an interesting take on the quests of King Arthur and his knights. There were plenty of confusing arguments, tests, trials and a dreaded killer rabbit. The one character that I must comment on is the somewhat "Cowardly" Sir Robin. It was made very apparent that whenever Sir Robin was confronted with a dangerous situation he would either run away or "soil his armor". If Morgana were to give a color to make him shine it would be the brightest Yellow. I consider it an insult to knighthood that he should act like such a wussy. Even his servants would make up songs mocking how much of a coward he was. I enjoyed at the end when the knights confront the questions near the bridge of the dead. Arthur nominates Robin to go first and he quickly says Lancelot should do it. Lancelot being the courageous and somewhat psychopathic knight he is stands up to the challenge with ease. When Robin sees this he finally shows a little backbone and steps up to go next saying "That looks easy". He eventually meets his demise anyway, as he cannot remember the capital of Syria and is launched into the infinite abyss.

Regarding "Le Morte Darthur"

Alas, nothing can be more unbearable to read a tale of the death of my good King Arthur. May Mordred be cursed to death. This tale is unbearably depressing. Sir Lancelot is the greatest knight on this land as well as in the world. How could he dare to kill Sir Gareth, who loved him more than anyone on the earth? Alas, I pray the end of the kingdom of the Arthur will not be such a cruel and harsh one, but rather a peaceful one. Now I feel the humiliation at the court of my good King Arthur brought by the mantle is not my concern any longer. Oh, God, may the tale be wrong.


Although It pains me to see myself left out of the movie Excalibur, I respect the film nontheless. It is a fairly accurate depiction of the life and times of King Arthur. Although it was fairly inappropriate, I enjoyed seeing Merlin use his magic help Uther trick Ygraine into think he was her husband. I also liked how Arthur stumbles across Excalibur in the woods and easily removes it from the stone. Much like in many readings Arthur takes control of his kingdom quickly, proving himself in not only battle but judgement as well. Merlin was my favorite character because he was very humorous, the things he said and way he said them made me laugh uncontrollably. The only part I did not like so much was the end. The battle between Mordred and Arthur is unrealistic because all Mordred does is drive a lance through Arthur's chest. Arthur doesnt try to stop it from happenning at all. Its true that this is how Arthur falls and he does get to kill Mordred fairly easily as well, but they should have had the battle last more than five seconds.

The power of Morgana

Let this be a warning to whomever wishes to doubt the power of Morgana. Not only was she sucessful in guiding me into the Arthurian court with a most gruesome and eye catching disguse as the Green Knight. But she got the best of Merlin as well. Although it may seem very cruel for her to play with Merlins emotions and use his desire for her to gain knowlege of sorcery, it must be respected nonetheless. She made the most of her opportunity in the The Prose Merlin when she clouded Merlins judgement and bewitched hims so her could not see her plan against Arthur unfold. This would eventually lead to her theft of Excalibur and placing of an identical yet worthless sword for Arthur to use in battle. I truly respect Morganas power after hearing of this loatesome yet creative plan to bring about the fall of not only Arthur but Merlin as well.

Regarding the aliterative morte Arthur

Finally we see a tale where the authur is not afflicted by his own insecurities and actually portrays Arthur rather accuratly. Arthur was a great King whose main concerns were his people and battle. Its about time the accomplishments of Arthur are shared with the world. It was rather refreshing for the story to not be so interupted with vapid love tales between people who don't know the meaning of the words loyalty and honor. I applaud this author, he has shown himslef to be a true scholar and a man worthy to write of King Arthur.

Excalibur Has Me Pegged

I must admit I was truly and deeply impressed by the quality of the 20th century film Excalibur about King Arthur and his knights. Not only does Master Boorman capture how we lived, but also what we did, and who we were. His portrayal of my inner turmoil between my love for king and queen really does brilliantly characterize how I felt during those woeful times. My favorite scene in the movie, while it did not really happen to me, was the scene in which I stab myself with my own sword. You may be thinking, "That's odd. Why would anyone like seeing themselves be stabbed with a sword?" But the reason I am so fond of the scene is because it represents the immense inner turmoil and battle I had to do within my own mind and heart to simply live each day. By stabbing myself with my own sword I inflicted the wound that would constantly remind me of my two loyalties, my head and my heart and how they constantly battle each other. The film director did an excellent job of using symbolism when showing my wound becuase in the film I only feel the wound open or thob with pain when I am being challenged to do something for the king or his queen, my two great loves and loyalties. I was also horrified at the scene where Arthur finds his queen and I in naked sleep. It not only pains me to know that he saw us together, the two people he loved most in the world, but also that in this film I could see his eyes and his hurt. It also pains me to know that because of Guinevere and mine's love, Arthur's kingdom was gravely distressed and led to a series of events that would bring my great king's death and his country's downfall.

Better Late Than Never

I the Giant know better than to read too much into any story involving the lies and tributes to "King" Arthur. Even his legendary sword does not truly exist, as when I fought him written in the history of time it was without an Excalibur but a normal sword not worth the blood of a fly. But this story I'm thrilled to comment on. Though it still glorifies him more than deserved, the death of Arthur is the best titled story I've ever encountered Arthur in. He dies, and is in fact human. Not a saint going off to a land to come back and save his people. He barely defeated me, and you expect him to save you all. No, now you see the true human side to him and how weak he really is. Death comes to us all, as I have learned. It is time all of you learn the same. Rest in Peace King Arthur, for I'll be seeing you in the afterlife and there will be no peace for you there. None but my hammer to your head will be your experience in heaven oh great king.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Consider yourself lucky, Where is the great Sir Bors.

Speaking of this film Excalibur where is the loyal Sir Bors. Where am I. I was always loyal to Arthur and Lancealot, I was always respectful. When they split apart I was forced to choose a side, I chose Lancealot but even then showed a great deal of respect for Arthur. I stayed beside Sir Lancealot and was his right hand man. He was the sword and I was the shield. This is how I get repayed? They don't even put me in the film, not a mention, not a hint? This is ridiculous that I am not in this film. Who made this abomination of a film. Who is responsible for this mess. Bors shall have his vengence on thee!

Monday, December 1, 2008

I find my character in Excalibur to be insulting really. I appear desperate and weak. I seem to be seeking out Merlin's approval and knowledge. It makes it appear that I had no knowledge or training before I met him. This is definitely not the case. I do not need Merlin. I have ample knowledge without him. I also do not understand why they seem to be trying to create a sexual relationship between Merlin and I. He is an old unattractive man with a predilection for young girls. They further emphasize my apparent weakness or attraction to Merlin, by having me stand with my arms crossed very unnaturally a lot. This position seems to be to protect my breasts and sexuality from him. Depending how one wants to read this behavior it also can be seen as me acting young and weak to try and attract him so that I can barter my body for his knowledge. This is highly unlikely by any account. I control men. They bend to my whims. I do not feign weakness, or bend to their wishes or sexuality unless I desire too. I think this actress Helen Mirren needs to realize the true power of my character and stop catering to men. Men are meant to be controlled, and exploited by a powerful woman such as I.

The Value of Things

Had the Grail been given any more attention than it was assigned then it would not have remained with such a good person. When Mrs. Witaker had decided against telling her Reverend about the Grail she made a wise choice. And she made the choice without the guidance of her husband or any other man. It must be a true hardship to have to live without her beloved. To live a life where the little become big and the big become little must be a tiresome life. It would seem that such a grand prize as the Grail would have gotten more use from the old woman. And yet there it sat between the picture and the dog "looking nice". In that instance the Big became the little. Perhaps her lack of response to the Grail was a result of the loss of her husband. She had no one to guide her in an appropriate manner. But again I find her behavior somewhat baffling. Why would the dear not bite from the apple. In fact she seemed distressed! Although I can see her point of view. She had no one to care and watch over her and thus relied on her impending death to bring her to her dear Henry. The aged have a wisdom that the young do not and it is faith in her that brings me to my conclusion. She may be old but certainly no fool and as such she had a purpose for all her actions. The grail did not find such a purposeful woman for no reason and thus she was meant to have the Grail.